The Crazy

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I did the crazy thing tonight.
Too much beer. Too much thinking.
I found you…and you smashed me into a million pieces once more.
I don’t even care about you anymore,
And especially with the current…head rage…
Why should it even matter?
You’d think at this stage
I would know better.
What angers me is… How much more?
How many more times setting this up like the perfect game of chess?
Where I’m the one left stranded and discarded,
By the ones who couldn’t care less?
A sudden searing pain of memory
And I’m back at the lake with you
I don’t want to be with you.
So how are you still with me?
Why are you still on me, marking your territory?
Why still in me; is this how it’s always to be?
I still see moonlight, feel the wooden floor beneath my back,
The scraping of my knees,
The sauna steam attack.
And yet… And yet… Here I am.
And there you are. Under the same stars,
Only, I’ve the deeper scars,
Deeper than ever. And I can’t understand
How That… And This… This!… ever happened.
Or how they could compare –
In fact, they don’t. They can’t. They won’t.
It’s so fucking…hard…to care.
I wish that I didn’t. Care, that is.
Scary that it means more than you did.
And I can never have…this.
I get the feeling if I told you… You’d get it.
But I never can.
So I tell myself to forget it.
Again.
One head mess at a time, please.
I fear I am the crazy thing tonight.

The Crazy

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