If I Were


If I were brave, I would reach for you when my world was crumbling.
You’d smile, bringing stillness whilst my heart fluttered heart away.
But now the only thing you see me do is stumbling
Over the words and gestures that spell out just one word: stay.

If I were whole, I wouldn’t look at you only in yearning.
I’d reach out and dare to touch, to taste, to see
If that look in your eyes means you want something more,
Beyond the belief you need to protect me.

If I were good, I’d never have a taste purgatory
On my tongue. Salt in my wounds and soot on my hands.
And when you glanced my way, I would be worthy.
And I am anything but. I hope you understand.

Because, if I were complete, I’d stumble and hold on to you,
Clinging to cotton covered skin in reverence,
And I would never let you go. I would drown in blue,
Because no one else has ever made any sense.


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