I Fold


I’m no card player, but I fold.
This game has gone on for longer than eternity.
There’s nothing in the hand that I hold.
And the illusion shimmered back into reality.
This night has drawn in far too cold
And cracks are appearing on this poker face.
Not the first time, I have been told
That this was never mine, that someone’s in my place.
I’m no card player, but I fold.
This game has lost all meaning for me.
No ace up my sleeve, no flush do I hold,
I can’t gamble on just a memory.




Sunday mornings.
The not-quite-a-hangover fuzzy feeling on the inside of your temples,
Not quite nausea, but enough to suppress your appetite,
Not quite tired, but batteries down to their red percent.

Monday mornings.
Not quite anxious, but running on dread.
Not quite hopeless, but no objection if dead.
Although not quite defeated, no desire to win just yet.

Fog day mornings
All of the above but blended, churned, blitzed into one.
Foggy in all your decisions, foggy about all you’ve done.
Fogginess clouds your feelings, fog shrouds all you’ve become.


Not Strong


I am not a strong woman.
I seek out comfort in dark places,
Shrink back from looks on disdainful faces,
Because someone else wasn’t strong.

I am not a strong woman.
I seek out rejection
In falsified affection,
Doing right by going so very wrong.

Well, fuck you.
For all those who’ve abused my trust
Dismissed my fears, provoked tears of rust,
You heard might right. Fuck you.

Don’t ever test my strength again.




On one hand, I’m dreading the future,
Because who knows what mess I can create Out There,
But on the other, I’m not planning on making it to tomorrow,
So really, what’s the problem. Why would I even care?

On one hand, it’s all about the right decision,
Because this could be the one that’s finally right.
But on the other, it’s just so pointless,
Because I dream of the bliss of eternal sleep tonight.

On one hand, it’s just, it’s all just words.
And they have no meaning, no sense, no rhyme.
But on the other, I’m giving you everything,
And there’s no secret left that is just mine.

On one hand, it’s just, lack of better options,
And that you’re one of the only good ones left,
But on the other, who am I kidding,
I feel I am victim of theft.



You are too painful to keep around.
Don’t roll your eyes. I know that’s what you’re doing.
Your silence is the loudest of all sounds,
Next to the here we go again sighing
That you’re doing right now.

Just go ahead and fuck off, walk away.
There is no joy in feeling myself burden
One moment, and worth killing time with the next day.
You’re not the first to cause my heart to harden
So there’s no obligation to stay.

When did I give you permission
To use me as verbal punching bag?
I think I’d remember that discussion.
And if my voice is such a grating drag,
You’ll benefit from its omission.



I am the witch to your witch finder,
I’m willing and ready to swing from your noose.
I know you are trouble, need no reminder,
You think me simple but I’m just obtuse.
Put me on trial now, don’t wait for Samhain,
That’s precious months away, and we’re here now.
You are the glacier, I’m the moraine,
Carried to palingenesis, like prized sow.




Empty yourself into me and I’ll not spill a drop.
No part of you will go to waste.
You would fill me, overflowing, with no desire or will to stop,
And I wouldn’t pull back: I am mesmerised, imagining your embrace.
You pace me, sparkle for sparkle, like gemstones, dazzling,
We glint in sunlight, moonlight, by candle flame,
No other sensation could ever replace the feeling you bring,
There is no way to enhance your steady frame.
While you contain all that’s good within,
I let it evaporate into thin air, unable to maintain a grasp,
And I do not know how to tell which is the greater sin –
Letting go, or clenching hard, desperately trying to make it last.
Both so fragile, at risk from sudden moves, but you
With so much more within to lose than I.
Should we fall, we’d both shatter, swept away, no way to undo
What is done. No way to reason, fix or gravity defy.
But you know, sometimes, some things in life are worth the risk.
To let something in is all you can do to recover
From past pains and sorrows. It’s worth it, this,
This giving of yourself to seek out what’s good in life to discover.
So, give in, give yourself and of yourself to me.
My assurance of full acceptance of all that is yours
Is all I can give you until then, until, finally,
You let go, release, and into me all yourself pour.