Sparse

Standard

So lost today.
I want to run, but my legs are marble.
I want to hide, but I’m too exposed.
I want to be, but I’m done with living.
I want to go, but I have no home.

I’m broken.
Normally, so happily fragmented,
Scattered far, and sparse, and wide,
Running from a sense of being needed,
Desperate for something, but what, I cannot decide.

I do not belong.
And I’m going nowhere.
But I don’t fear that I’ll drag you along.
Because it’s been an age since you have been there,
And now I question all that I’ve done wrong.

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Flailing

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You found me flailing on the bathroom floor.
A juddering heap of heaving, weeping, bleeding.
I asked, what’s there worth holding on here for?
What’s the purpose of this life that I’m keeping,
Breathing existence into, an ember of a flame
That’s so desperate and ready to be snuffed out?
And you stood, stoic, with a whisper you spoke my name,
Made it sound a truth in which you couldn’t doubt.
And so I stayed.
Please, don’t make me regret my decision that day.

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Fool

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I could be the best thing that’s ever happened in your existence,
But for all you’ve seen, you don’t really know who I am.
I know I want you, but all I have to offer is resistance,
Because I can’t fit the mould of any of life’s plans.
I wish I could feel that I deserved what you’re offering,
But here I am. Look at this wreck of a fool
Who shies from your touch and flinches at what you’re saying.
This flame I must quench. I must starve it of any fuel.
Know this. I will fail you.
Know this if you can accept nothing more.
I wish that you could grow to be the exception,
But there’s not much else about which I’ve been so sure.

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